Mama Mia!
INT. - KITCHEN - EVENING
MAMA CALZONE is in the kitchen cooking Italian Wedding soup for her 3 children, MARIA (6), GIGI (10), and ANTHONY (14). The children are running around the kitchen playing as their mother cooks dinner for them.
MAMA CALZONE
Oy! Mi famiglia is-a crazy!
(beat)
Anthony, get you sisters to calm-a down would ya?!
ANTHONY
Ok Mama! Maria, Gigi, let's leave mama alone!
Anthony collects his sisters and take them to another room in the house. Mama Calzone turns back to her soup with a large sigh of relief. She reaches up to the shelf above the stove for some pepper, however, as she reaches for the pepper the family dog GABAGOOL jumps up and tries to lick her. During the commotion Mama Calzone accidentally spills a box of BBs into the soup she is preparing for the family.
MAMA CALZONE
Marone a mi! Gabagool! Get outta here!
(beat)
Mama Mia! What have I done!? I'll never be able to get all these-a BBs out of this-a beautiful soup!
Mama Calzone frantically tries to remove all the BBs from the hot soup
MAMA CALZONE
Dios Mio! I'll never be able to get all of these-a BBs out of this-a soup. It's -a ok, I think I got them all. This is-a beautiful soup-a!
(beat)
Kids! Dinner's a-ready!
Anthony, Gigi, and Maria run in the kitchen and sit down at the table. Mama Calzone ladles heaping portions of the soup into their bowls, and the hungry children scarf their dinner down.
GIGI
Wow Mama! That soup was so good! I am so full!
MAMA CALZONE
I'm a-happy you kids a-liked it, there was an extra special ingredient I added tonight!...Ok kids, let's-a start getting a-ready for bed.
Anthony, Maria, and Gigi exit to their bedrooms. After cleaning up the kitchen Mama Calzone also retires to bed.
INT. - BEDROOM - MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
Maria bursts through Mama Calzones bedroom door, and jumps into bed with her
MARIA
Mama! Mama! You'll never believe what just happened!
MAMA CALZONE
What?!What's wrong mi bebe?!
MARIA
Mama... I woke up in the middle of the night because I needed to go pee pee, and when I went pee...BBs came out!
MAMA CALZONE
Oh mama mia! Maria! That's-a ok! When I was you're age back in Calabria I used to drink so many sweet Shirley Temples that I had to pass a kidney stone. It's-a like the same thing!... Don't-a worry sweetie, just go back to bed.
Maria rubs her eyes, and the little girl retires to her bedroom and Mama Calzone falls back to sleep. 20 minutes later, Gigi bursts through the bedroom door frantic.
GIGI
Mama! Mama! You'll never believe what just happened!
MAMA CALZONE
What mi bambina?! What-a happened?!
GIGI
Well... I just woke up to go to the bathroom, and when I went pee, I peed out some BBs.
MAMA CALZONE
Ohh mama mia! Don't worry Gigi! The same thing just-a happened to your little sister. It's-a ok! Go back to bed!
Gigi nods her head and heads back to her bedroom closing Mama Calzones door behind her. Another 20 minutes goes by, and this time Anthony comes bursting through his mother's door with an urgent look on his face.
ANTHONY
Mama! Mama! I can't believe what just happened!
MAMA CALZONE
Oy! Anthony! Yes, I can.
(beat)
Let me-a guess... You just woke up to go pee, and when you went pee... you no pee pee, but you peed out some BBs...No big...
ANTHONY
(interrupting)
No Mama! I was in my room... alone, ya know... slapping the salami, and uh...
MAMA CALZONE
Uh, slappin' the-a salami? What es dis mean?
ANTHONY
C'mon ma, you know, I was uh...ya know...choking the chicken...and I uh...
MAMA CALZONE
A-choking the chicky? Que cosa? Anthony I'm-a confused-a?
ANTHONY
MA! I was jerking off, masturbating! And then one thing lead to another, and I accidentally shot the dog!
BLACKOUT.
